Why I wait…

Why I wait…

If you ever want to have a room full of people look at you like you’re ridiculous, tell them you’re celibate.  It’s almost comical how perplexed people become when I tell them I’m not engaging in sexual activity until marriage.  I’m always amused by how personally affected people (that would never be contenders to sleep with me anyways) are by my decision; it’s almost like I’m wrongfully depriving them of some God given right that I didn’t know they were entitled to.  

Generally I get 3 responses: 

1. The “It’s 2015, why would you ever want to do that?” group:

This is the group that thinks relationships and sex come as a package deal.  There’s some misconception that it’s not real until you’ve crossed the line, and withholding sex is an antiquated ideology that only our grandparents lived by.

2. The Naysayers:

These are the people that tell you your desires are far-fetched and there’s no way you’ll ever be able to commit to a life of pre-marital abstinence.  They’re also the ones that come up with catchy phrases like, “don’t you want to test drive that car before you buy it?” 

3. The “You’ll never find a man doing that!” group:

This is my favorite group.  The ones that try to convince me that in order to get (and keep) a man, I’m going to have to compromise my beliefs.  

Occasionally, I do get people that encourage my efforts, and I do know several individuals that are choosing to “date and wait” for spiritual reasons.  While I do love God and most of my decision to abstain is based on bible principles, my desire to please Him and spiritual growth, there are also several non-spiritual reasons why I’m choosing to wait…

1. Emotional Freedom

I don’t like grey areas.  I’m a candid person by nature. I say how I feel, and the people in my life always know where they stand with me.  With that being said, sex in non-committed relationships leave too much room for grey.  I’ve discovered that I’m not emotionally mature enough to handle “situationships”, so there’s no way I can engage in a sexual relationship with someone and not misconstrue it for more than it is.  Let’s face it (because I’m not the only one) it’s easy to get too attached to someone after sex has been introduced into the equation.  Sex is an emotional act that automatically connects you to someone.  Unfortunately, that connection has no regard for whether or not that person is good or bad for you, and you can find yourself sexually connected to someone that’s toxic for you.  Celibacy allows me to make better emotional decisions that aren’t driven by sexual desires.

 2. Real Intimacy

There are so many ways to create intimacy in a relationship that don’t involve getting naked and that’s the foundation I want to build.  I want your attention, your affection and your adoration.  I want you to learn me, lead me, and love me.  I want to be the reason you smile, your peace in the middle of a storm, and your biggest motivation. And I want all of that BEFORE we make love.  After all, true intimacy can only enhance the bedroom experience…

3. Sex Never Made Anybody Love Me

I’m just going to say it…sex has never made any man fall in love.  It might make him call you, he might stick around for the benefits of what you’re offering him, but it won’t make him fall in love.  From my observation, if a man doesn’t love you, there’s no amount of sex that can make him, and if he does, then he’ll determine you’re worth the wait.  So why is it so important?  Because it feels good?  Sex has never promised anything worth having, like commitment, fidelity, or honesty.  

4. Preparation 

While I pray that God sends me a husband, I also pray that he prepares me to be a good wife.  I’m focused on being ready when my husband finds me, and I can’t do that if I’m jumping in and out of bed with every man I date.  Celibacy gives me less distractions, more ‘me’ time and so much more energy to focus on being a better woman.

Don’t get me wrong, celibacy isn’t easy by any facet of the imagination, and since I’m fairly new to this journey, I’m sure there are some challenges I haven’t even faced yet.  However, I do know that since I’ve taken this vow, my life has been less chaotic and much more emotionally stable (not to mention I have no worries about STD’s or unplanned pregnancies).  

I truly believe that everyone must follow their own spirit when it comes to sex in their relationship and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I just wanted to share the reasons why I have chosen to wait.  However, to my “you’ll never find a man like that” group, rest assured that the man God has for me will never force me to compromise my beliefs, especially over something as trivial as sex…1

Bonita Davis
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