I think this trip was where our ability to act like nothing was wrong was birthed. Somehow we made a seamless transition from an unfixable couple to two love birds that were recently struck by Cupid’s arrow. A week earlier I didn’t want this man touching me and now I couldn’t keep my hands off him.

Before we began the trip, he requested one thing from me; he asked me to not bring up any of his transgressions. He didn’t want to discuss the girls, the emails, or any of his wrongdoings. I believe his exact wording was “let’s just enjoy the opportunity to be together. We deserve that.” I obliged. Not completely realizing the depth and breadth of the agreement I’d made, but nonetheless promising to put my pain on hold for the enjoyment of a weekend getaway.

Our trip began with a 4 hour car ride to the coast. For four hours we talked, he held my hand and intermittently raised it to his lips to kiss my palm. As often as he could, while also remaining safe while driving, he looked me in my eyes, brushed my cheek, and told me he loved me. He handled me with such gentleness. A type of sweetness that I knew he was capable of, but hadn’t felt in so long. The exact affection that I had been requesting from him for more than a year.

Our conversation seemed effortless. He seemed so interested and engaged in me. When I spoke I felt like he was listening, and when I asked him questions I felt like he was actually answering me. It was like he opened a door to the wall I had been trying so hard to climb over and was now simply inviting me in. He was giving me access and I wanted every bit of it.

He upheld his end of the bargain. He planned the entire trip and I didn’t open my wallet. The hotel was beautiful; we had an amazing view of the Atlantic from our balcony, and the suite was so perfect I didn’t really even want to leave it. We ordered room service and overindulged in the spa. The moments when I wasn’t laying around on the beach, or swimming in the pool, he had me out partaking in fine dining and dancing. He indulged every senseless desire I had, including getting matching henna tattoos, which now I’m grateful were just temporary expressions of our commitment to one another. This was also the first time he publicly professed his love for me on his social media. I went from being virtually invisible to him flooding his timeline with pictures of me and us. He was professing how much I meant to him in the same manner that I had done in the many months prior and I was finally starting to feel like my energy towards him was being equally reciprocated.

For the most part, I upheld my end of the bargain. After all, the trip was incredible. Perhaps, the only thing that could’ve made it better would’ve been actually being on a trip with a faithful companion, or at minimum not having to conscientiously suppress the desire to ask him why or how he could hurt me in the way that he did; but I made a promise not to bring it up while we were on vacation. So I didn’t. At least not directly. There were several moments when we were laying in the bed where I wanted to ask him a series of “how could you” questions, and I was very aware that our time would be better served if we tried to talk through our issues rather than sweeping them under the proverbial rug, but I sacrificed my need for answers for a few simple moments of peace. Peace had been such a rare luxury in our relationship that I understood how valuable it was, even at the cost of my own frustration…

For more continue to follow www.sheisbonita.com and purchase She Is Unbroken: Memoir of a Formerly Broken-Hearted Girl when it is released in 2018!