The next morning started off very early for me with a noise I had grown quite accustomed to during Lance’s deployment. My phone chimed at 6:02 AM with the Facebook Messenger notification, which by now you know was our primary method of communication while he was away. Only partially awake, I reached for my phone ready to read whatever excuse Lance had come up with as to why he hadn’t contacted me the night before. But it wasn’t Lance on the other end of that message. It was a woman, my eyes skimmed over the message and my heart sank as I read:

“Bonita you are a very sweet person and you deserve the best. I can’t keep quiet anymore, Lance is playing you. I wanted to tell you a while ago, but he told me you wouldn’t believe me anyways. So why now? If the shoe was on the other foot I would want someone to tell me and save me the heartache. I can’t make you believe me, but I had to say something. The best thing you can do is follow your intuition. I’m sure you’ve been trying to ignore the signs.”

I must have read those words 30 times. Trying to process, trying to breathe, trying to muster up a response. 28 minutes later I asked the most inarticulate, unnecessary question possible, “Can I ask what you mean by he’s playing me?”

The conversation proceeded like this:                                                      

Her: He’s being unfaithful

Me: I mean…with who? You?

Her: Yes.

Me: Were you with him yesterday?

Her: Yes.

Me: Are you with him now?

Her: No.

Me: Can you call me?

Her: Not at this moment.

Me: Does he plan for you two to be together?

Her: I don’t know honestly. I’m not sure what he wants. I thought I may have wanted us to work out in the long run, but I’m not sure anymore by the way he’s treating you. I can’t add any drama to my life.

Me: Did ya’ll have sex yesterday?

Her: Yes, and that was just as much my fault as it was his. Even though he said you two weren’t in an official relationship, I should’ve known better. We talked about it during his deployment. He said that he wasn’t planning to be in a relationship with you, but if it happens, it happens.

Me: Are you in love with him? Do you think he’s in love with you?

Her: At one point I thought it was love

Desperate me: I’m really backed into a corner right now and I’m not sure how to move. I really want you to be lying, but for some reason I don’t think you are and this hurts really bad. Can you send me screenshots of your conversations so I can read them for myself?

Her: I will. He does care a lot for you and he said there is marriage potential with you. That’s why I don’t see why he wouldn’t give 100% to you. You may be able to forgive him and try to make it work…

To make the rest of this long and very painful conversation short I’ll summarize:  She provided me with the screenshots that I requested from her and then she offered me an apology that I really had no use for. Oddly enough, I felt as if she was sincere, but “I’m sorry” holds absolutely no weight with a woman who feels like she’s been kicked in the stomach…

For more continue to follow and purchase She Is Unbroken: Memoir of a Formerly Broken-Hearted Girlwhen it is released in 2018!