Broken hearted decisions

Broken hearted decisions

“To fall in love is awfully simple, to fall out of love is simply awful”-Bess Myerson

Despite what anyone says…a broken heart is a serious condition.  Physically, psychologically, and emotionally devastating, and when not treated appropriately, they can have lasting and damaging effects.  No matter how you lose someone, you can never just stop loving them, especially if it wasn’t your choice to let go.  It’s a process.  A very painful process, but one that you must go through in order to avoid using that brokenness in making future decisions.  

Before we can avoid making broken hearted decisions, we must learn to deal with source.  The broken heart.  It starts with acknowledging the fact that you’re hurting and that heart break is real.  It’s not some fictitious ailment that you conjured up in your head and there’s no timeframe in which you should or should not be over it.  Often times we take on the mindset that “it’s just a broken heart, he/she will get over it,” but the truth of the matter is that it deserves so much more respect than this; and to avoid baggage, entering dangerous relationship cycles, or being self-destructive broken hearts must be handled properly.  

Here are some steps for dealing with being broken hearted:

1. Feel it, don’t fake it.  

Easily the most daunting part of being hurt is acknowledging it and living in it.  Unfortunately it’s also the most critical part of the healing process.  You can’t just wait for the pain to go away.  Many people live by the saying “time heals all wounds” but I’m going to be daring enough to disagree with that philosophy.  Time passing only alleviates the pain of the person that’s already addressing it head on; however time becomes the enemy of the person that decides to use the technique of avoidance.  While you’re avoiding, the hurt just festers and manifests itself into other dysfunctional traits that affect other areas of your life.  If you have to, take the time to cry it out, allow yourself to be upset about it at first.  The key is remembering you have to go through it, not around it.  I promise you, the pain won’t take you out, you will emerge a stronger person.

2. Regroup

Regrouping is all about getting your independence back.  When you’re coming out of a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, sometimes it’s hard to envision your life without that person.  Well, it’s time to start.  Indulge in your hobbies a little more; treat yourself (within reason) and remind yourself of how much you matter again; if you cross paths with your ex often, then look for a change of scenery.  Attach yourself to everything that’s so naturally “you” and detach from anything that was “ya’ll.”  All the energy you put into loving that other person, you get to use it to love yourself now!

3. Forgive and Re-forgive

I know… forgiving a lover that’s left your heart shattered in a million little pieces seems impossible.  Or maybe you are the reason the relationship ended and you’re finding it hard to forgive yourself for it… either way, it must be done.  However, I say forgive and re-forgive, because forgiveness is a process and you must be intentional with your desire to forgive.  Even if you have to wake up in the morning and say “I forgive _____ for hurting me, because I won’t give _____ the power to continue hurting me by holding on to this pain.”  Honestly forgiveness is more for you than it is for the other person.  Unforgiveness turns to resentment, resentment turns to bitterness, and we all know that bitterness never leads to good places.  Train your mind for forgiveness and watch how quickly your heart begins to turn.

You don’t have to be a broken hearted girl (or boy) but you do have to acknowledge your brokenness before you can conquer it.  

Next I’m going discuss the consequences of making broken hearted decisions… stay with me…

Bonita Davis
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