2014 was a very crazy time in my life; most don’t know, but with the exception of 2009, it was probably one of the hardest years I’ve ever lived through. Besides God, my family and friends, one of the only things I could do to cope was through writing. I’ve always been a writer, since as far back as I can remember, and I assume I’ll continue for the rest of my life. Last year one of my closest friends told me that I should start a blog about my life experiences and how I’ve overcome them. I wasn’t ready at the time, the scars were too fresh, my mind was still cloudy, and honestly I hadn’t overcome it yet. However, I did write (what was supposed to be) the first entry…I stumbled across that entry last night, and now with growth and healing (thank God) I think I might be ready to start the blog. I can only hope that my transparency will help someone else with whatever they’re going through…You guys tell me what you think…here’s entry #1

Single. Black. Female.

At the age of 27, I can honestly say that I am proud of where I am and where I’m headed. Like most people my age, I’m stuck somewhere between discovering my purpose and igniting my destiny. Although this process of self-discovery is very frustrating and tiresome, it’s equally rewarding and the thought of all the possibilities ahead of me is exciting. I hold several titles both personally and professionally, and have the most amazing relationships with the greatest people on earth. However, there’s one specific title that seems to hang over my head like a dark cloud. Single. Black. Female.

Well… actually the title of “single” is fairly new to me. Just a few months ago I was engaged and preparing to get married at the end of this month. That was, of course, until rumors of my fiance’s infidelities were brought to light (we’ll talk more about that a little later on). The world as I knew it was seemingly flipped upside down, and now, I’m trying to figure out the best way to communicate how my perfect relationship (as depicted by my Instagram and Facebook postings) has somehow crashed and burned and left a big pile of ashes at my feet. I didn’t realize how public I made my relationship until it was over. As if it’s not enough to explain to friends and family that the amazing man who proposed on a hot air balloon ride was leading a double life across the country; I also get to deal with associates asking things like “The date’s getting close, are you excited?” Sometimes to save my breath, I just act like everything is still on, say “Yes, I’m excited,” and pray they don’t ask any follow-up questions.

But that’s not the only adjustment I’ve had to make. So far since my break-up I’ve learned a very difficult lesson. Being single is hard. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I know that this feeling is primarily due to how fresh my breakup is and I look forward to the days when I experience singleness as fun and liberating. But right now, it’s lonely and…just lonely. Against all of my Christian beliefs, my fiance and I were shacking so everything in my house reminds me of him. Restaurants remind me of him. Movies remind me of him. Songs remind me of him. Heck, I remind me of him. Unfortunately, the foot print he’s left in my life over the last 3 years is huge and it’s going to take more than a couple of girls’ nights of wine drinking and man bashing to get over it. One of my girlfriends lives by the saying “the best way to get over an old man is to get under a new one.” I’m not sure how true that is, but I’m at the point where I’m at least willing to give it a trypic 2 web (dating that is, not necessarily getting under anyone).

I’d be lying if I said I’m not nervous, dating isn’t really my “thing.” I spent most of my 20’s in serious relationships and the idea of going out with someone I barely know is mildly intimidating to me. But I guess I can look at this as another self-discovery adventure. A new chapter in my life where I get to learn new things about myself….I don’t know, I guess we will see….

She is a Blogger. She is Bonita.

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14 Responses

  1. Sharita

    You already know how much I love your life boo!!! So very proud of you; great read!

    Reply
  2. Natashia kennedy

    Enjoyed reading, you have to have a lot of strength to share your story with the world, I look forward to reading more. Thanks

    Reply
  3. Lacey Williams

    This was awesome…can’t wait to read more. Your blessed to be a blessing!

    Reply
  4. AngeB

    Wow, the courage to be! Thank you for writing, typing, and hitting the enter key to publish.
    A friend once told me, forcing yourself to visit those “old, shared” places will aid in healing from a break up, especially engagements. God speed!

    Reply
  5. Ashia

    I can relate to this post on sooooo many levels. Just know, healing will come and as you stated, a point will come where you will enjoy your singleness and getting to know you outside of a relationship.

    Reply
  6. Taisha

    I read both entries and all I can say is thank you. You inspired me to write out my feelings and thoughts as a way of therapy.

    Reply
  7. Karen

    After being with the same person for 24 yrs and married for 18 I recently divorced and your feelings are my exact feelings….Don’t rush into dating take your time learn to love YOURSELF…Don’t let folks rush you into dating if you jump from one relationship to another too fast you’re taking the baggage from your recent break-up with you….

    Stay strong
    Stay busy
    Most of STAY PRAYERFUL & TRUST GOD!!!

    Reply
  8. Isaac James Jr

    Congratulations on getting your blog up. I’m not sure if you realize the power a blog can have and also the financial blessings that can come with one also. With your transparency, I can ASSURE you that BOTH of the aforementioned will come sooner then you think. As long as you stay consistent. As a very distant associate (I remember you from northeast and knew of you when you attended Winthrop)
    I can tell you, you’ve always been an attractive lady, you’re smart, and you’ve got a circle of ladies whom I’d say..yall are almost like sisters. Take time for you before you jump back into dating too soon.. but do NOT be afraid of dating, as it is a NORMAL ritual for single people (how else will you get to ‘know’ a guy). Just keep in mind your value and do not settle (although with the post you just wrote..I don’t think you struggle with that) I look forward to reading your blog.. and you can count on me to be a loyal reader and supporter.

    Reply
  9. Ebonee

    Just wanted to say congrats on the new blog!! It’s great and really encouraging. Way to let God use you Bonita!!!

    Reply

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